While I haven't exactly been doing anything, I've been pretty introspective. As I lay in bed last night, I developed a mental image of what I must have looked like a year ago, arriving at Incheon Airport, all alone, hauling my three bags through the airport. Sweating, tired, and well, all alone.
I can't believe I was never scared. It never even occurred to me to be concerned or anxious about what was coming up--and with good reason, really. The last year has been amazing.
So I'm not sure why I feel so anxious about returning home. I think about the same person--except not the same person--hauling the same luggage (albeit lighter) through the same pathways, and going home without knowing the future scares me. Am I coming back? Who am I going to meet? Whose lives am I going to change? Who is going to change mine?
I think the ambivalence is interesting.